Exhaustion is nightmare-fuel for the busybody. Some people just can't sit still, lie still. They've got to be working. They've got to be doing something. I'm not typically the busy-body type. I used to take things slow. But lately I've been burning the candle at both ends.
I've been pushing myself hard these last few weeks. Trying to hustle, trying to pay off some debt, and trying to figure out what's next by throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. No sense of mission, but no loss of propulsion.
This is bad. Like, this is really bad. Busy-ness/business without mission is like running on a treadmill. You're going nowhere but making good time. It's like swimming in circles—you're exhausting yourself and you'll never get to shore. Sooner or later the swimmer that can't find shore drowns.
Some people know their mission right from the start. Their boots hit the ground and they're off running. They know just where to go, just who to talk to—my sister is that way. She knew from day one that she wanted to be a nurse. There was never a moment in her childhood where she didn't want to be a nurse.
Out of high school, she went to nursing school. She excelled. She got a great job. She does great things in her job and she's been recognized with nursing excellence awards and all kinds of accolades. She became a nurse manager. Now she's a nursing instructor and she's one of the nurses over hiring at the state hospital. She rocks.
Then there's me. A bit of a flightless bird. I liked books in high school. I liked girls. I liked having a good time. I liked playing music. In college, I studied the Bible. I liked that alright. I left that to tour with a band. I left that to do nonprofit work. I got a degree in management of nonprofit organizations.
I left nonprofit work to get a job fixing computers. I got some I.T. certifications. I left that to work in a recording studio. I left that to do software development. I left that to become a manager for a tech support group. Along the way, I tried to start a band, tried to start a company, tried to start a nonprofit. I was the production manager for a church. I designed websites. Flightless bird.
My dad says I've got too many interests, I get bored too easy, and I need to hone in on one thing. Do it for awhile. Do it well. But what's my one thing? How does someone go about picking a one thing? Is there a job out there that's specifically designed for a fun-loving lazy bookworm Bible scholar guitarist audio engineer webdev computer tech NPO managers of the world?
I'm swimming and swimming but I've yet to even see shore. Am I about to drown?
You don't get where you're going just because your tires are spinning—you've got to make contact with the ground. You've got to have a little friction. There's a difference between movement and progress. Movement is doing things for the sake of doing them, progress is going places.
I've got to commit to progress. I've got to learn to say 'no' to more things: No new jobs, no new projects, no new hobbies, no no no. I've got to experience a little friction—I've had it easy too long. This is my thought and my meditation for the day. I'm exhausted. But I'm inspired.